Name:     Michael L. S.   [E-Mail]
      Location:  Earth
      Website:  Middle East Resource Center

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Well, just when one thought Islam could not POSSIBLY get any more outrageous (as far as its violence, hatred, self-righteousness, risibility, misogyny, backwardness... - take your pick), one of its ranks awakens from his Neanderthal slumber and astonishes us.

The latest is a fatwa on grown men being given strangers' breast milk! You see, in Saudi and a number of other Wahabi-influenced locales, it is considered un-Islamic for an unrelated woman and man to be together alone in private. However, even in Saudi Arabia it is not possible to totally segregate unrelated men and women; various contexts call for their mixing and situations inevitably arise where a woman and man end up alone in private. Well, just to make sure it's all kosher - or, uhm, halal - one genius "scholar" came up with the idea that a man likely to have contact with an unrelated woman should be given her breast milk to drink, because that will render him her kin: They thus become relatives and can mingle with each other freely and Islamically. (Of course, since cousin-fucking is normal and even encouraged in Islam, one is not quite sure if this edict addresses the original “problem” effectively but that's another matter.) The trickiest part, on which eminent opinions diverge, is whether the milk is to be conveyed to the recipient(s) in a bottle/glass or whether the latter should imbibe it straight from the source. Believe it or not, there are those advocating the latter!

Now, this fatwa was not issued by some stick-in-the-mud rural imam who never traveled out of his inbred village in Qasim. Nay, it came from a highly-positioned Saudi GOVERNMENT official from the Al-Obeikan tribe (one of the highest ranking tribes in the Saudi system). To be fair, it was not entirely his idea: The pronouncement is based on one or more hadiths, i.e. stories and sayings of none other than PBUH himself. Then again, that coming from a guy who thought there was nothing wrong with fucking a 10-year-old girl is hardly astounding.

I can visualize several rather awkward conversations with my female colleagues during my time in the Magic Kingdom: "Well, it would be haram for me to enter your apartment for a glass of lemonade... - but if you let me suckle on your boob five times, we'll be all set if the mutawa turn up!" See, Deputy, if we'd only done that, that argument with the two Haia idiots in Jeddah would have been much shorter!

On the other hand, I see much potential here, given my current situation. I think I'll try it tomorrow! I'm pretty sure this only applies to Muslims though. Damn it! Where do I convert?! (Well, REvert.) In my bedroom, I guess.

Anyway, if you need more laughs - not that the above is a laughing matter -, take a look at these ten most absurd fatwas.

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