Name:     Michael L. S.   [E-Mail]
      Location:  Earth
      Website:  Middle East Resource Center

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A new, fourth, version of Apple's iPhone was just launched. It has the capabilities and features that it should have had three years ago in its original iteration. Still, tens of thousands of losers have gone into a frenzy, camping out in front of Apple stores days in advance to be the very first to get the device. MOOOOOOOOOOO! There's clapping, whoops of joy and screams from both other customers and store staff when the first few get their hands on their iPhone and walk toward the exit. Never mind that in terms of its specifications, the phone is, at best, average in the today's market and that quite a few issues have already been reported. It's funny that, whereas once Apple aficionados were seen as enlightened freethinking nonpareils, today they're a far more amorphous herd than the dime-a-dozen beige-PC users ever were.

Next from Apple: One layer toilet paper without perforations but with an Apple logo. It's called iCrap. Available at $12.99 for a single roll, or $99.99 for a pack of eight, which includes a 128MB flash dongle. It's black in color, which no-one ever did before. Revolutionary! Members of the audience attending the pre-launch were fainting with ecstasy when Jobbs unveiled it and proceeded to demonstrate how to use it. It is predicted to fly off the shelves faster than any previous Apple product. iCrap 2G already touted; it will have two plies and be available in two colors: White and black. There are rumors that perforations might be introduced in the third generation issue.

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Well, just when one thought Islam could not POSSIBLY get any more outrageous (as far as its violence, hatred, self-righteousness, risibility, misogyny, backwardness... - take your pick), one of its ranks awakens from his Neanderthal slumber and astonishes us.

The latest is a fatwa on grown men being given strangers' breast milk! You see, in Saudi and a number of other Wahabi-influenced locales, it is considered un-Islamic for an unrelated woman and man to be together alone in private. However, even in Saudi Arabia it is not possible to totally segregate unrelated men and women; various contexts call for their mixing and situations inevitably arise where a woman and man end up alone in private. Well, just to make sure it's all kosher - or, uhm, halal - one genius "scholar" came up with the idea that a man likely to have contact with an unrelated woman should be given her breast milk to drink, because that will render him her kin: They thus become relatives and can mingle with each other freely and Islamically. (Of course, since cousin-fucking is normal and even encouraged in Islam, one is not quite sure if this edict addresses the original “problem” effectively but that's another matter.) The trickiest part, on which eminent opinions diverge, is whether the milk is to be conveyed to the recipient(s) in a bottle/glass or whether the latter should imbibe it straight from the source. Believe it or not, there are those advocating the latter!

Now, this fatwa was not issued by some stick-in-the-mud rural imam who never traveled out of his inbred village in Qasim. Nay, it came from a highly-positioned Saudi GOVERNMENT official from the Al-Obeikan tribe (one of the highest ranking tribes in the Saudi system). To be fair, it was not entirely his idea: The pronouncement is based on one or more hadiths, i.e. stories and sayings of none other than PBUH himself. Then again, that coming from a guy who thought there was nothing wrong with fucking a 10-year-old girl is hardly astounding.

I can visualize several rather awkward conversations with my female colleagues during my time in the Magic Kingdom: "Well, it would be haram for me to enter your apartment for a glass of lemonade... - but if you let me suckle on your boob five times, we'll be all set if the mutawa turn up!" See, Deputy, if we'd only done that, that argument with the two Haia idiots in Jeddah would have been much shorter!

On the other hand, I see much potential here, given my current situation. I think I'll try it tomorrow! I'm pretty sure this only applies to Muslims though. Damn it! Where do I convert?! (Well, REvert.) In my bedroom, I guess.

Anyway, if you need more laughs - not that the above is a laughing matter -, take a look at these ten most absurd fatwas.

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Forty-five (45) dead and almost five hundred (500) injured: The toll of one day's worth of fighting in Kyrgyzstan. Did you hear about that on the news, other than in passing? Any five-hour-long special features, analyses, live satellite feeds, panel discussions a la 3Aza after the "aid" flotilla raid?

No?

Wonder why? Why, because Israel is not involved, of course! You see, dozens, hundreds, thousands of people may die in any one of the multitude of hotspots around the world on a given day (such as, say, the 600 people killed last week in Sudan), but if it's not Israel doing the killing, who gives a shit!

In like vein, I wonder if we're going to be seeing six-hundred assorted "humanitarians" organizing an "aid" convoy to Kyrgyzstan anytime soon. My bet is on NOT.

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On another notion, the useless U.N. approved another round of sanctions against Iran the other day. Will they make a difference? Extremely unlikely. Let's face it: The Iranian regime is a bunch of belligerent psychopaths that has made no secret of its designs for the region. There is only one language they understand, and it's not the language of diplomacy. We need to bomb to kingdom come the Iranian nuclear and industrial facilities and, ideally, effect a regime change. Everything else is a waste of time and a display of weakness and fear.

And finally, a lesson lived is a lesson learned. I had personal contact with precisely eleven Iranians (knowingly) hitherto. Of them, ten turned out to be untrustworthy and dishonorable assholes, while the eleventh remains a lifelong friend (but then, they're not really Persian). This experience was confirmed by a lady shaping up to be my, ahem, girlfriend (a Sunni Gulf Arab). The lesson, therefore:

NEVER TRUST A PERSIAN!

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Get a load of this:

"In Dublin, hundreds of people joined a protest march [against Israeli paramilitary operation against the 'aid' convoy to 3Aza last week]. John Buckley, a college lecturer, said: ‘[...] The Israelis have no right to intercept ships in the middle of the sea and they have no right to implement the blockade. It’s completely illegal.’"

You would think a "lecturer" would have more sense than to parrot this outrageous bunch of drivel fielded by the "humanitarian" provocateurs. Intercepting vessels in international waters is perfectly legal, according to maritime law, for a variety of reasons. If it was not, things such as piracy and violating embargoes would be unstoppable activities.

Nor is the blockade illegal: The de facto state of Gaza is ruled by a regime, which is at war with Israel and which has regularly taken hostile actions against Israel (such as firing rockets indiscriminately at Israeli population centers, which actually IS illegal and which attracted nary a peep from the likes of this "lecturer"). The blockade of Gaza is no more illegal than the blockade of North Korea is or than a blockade of Nazi Germany would have been.

No wonder universities are churning out imbeciles if the students are getting their education from the likes of this John Buckley.

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There you have it, folks: The reporters and media can't join the "aid" vessel, so the organizers decided to cancel the whole mission. Proof positive, if one was needed, that the "humanitarian" "peace" "activists" do not have the interests of Gazans at heart. This is not about aid, suffering, inequity; nay, it is about a bunch of terrorists, terrorist sympathizers and gullible losers promoting their preposterous cause through a provocative publicity stunt.

Israel made two mistakes here: (1) It should have sunk the boats, not risked our soldiers' lives by having them abseil with paintball guns into a sea of bloodthirsty piranhas ; and (2) the Hasbara seriously fouled up here (as it usually does). The world is left thinking that those scumbags on the ships really were innocent benevolent civilians and Israel wantonly murdered them by the dozen.

I was asked yesterday to sign some sort of dumbass petition condemning the commando raid and pledge god-knows what amount to 3Aza. I told them to fuck off. In those very words. One of these days I'll have my head sliced off...

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